Secret

i think i’m having PMS.. coz i feel irritated… yeah… u pple wld have already figured that out…. i’m superly insecure…. and i feel very emotional… and i think i’m the lousiest person that cld exist in this world..

to top this up… i think i’m getting my period during the CNY… which sucks… but maybe not as bad as having period when u in Tokyo… yeah…

the pt abt PMS is… besides feeling really irritated and all the negative stuff… i’ll feel like my hormones are raging or maybe the word is sexually charged or to put in in easier terms is horny…

yes… i’m a very lusty gal… come on lor….. i even dreamt of naked women! wahahaha… kill me lar… why not naked man…. so y can’t BH satisfy me??

1) strictly agst my morals
2) no location
3) no money to book hotel

the bottomline is: PUBERTY shld start later… like about 21 yrs old… so 1 wld not get pregnant b4 the mature age… or won’t even be interested in sex till after marriage… yeah… then things like condoms will not need to exist….or abortion or even BGR at a young age of 12? geeez…. u get the pt???

another implusive PMSy entry by the great ME…. :wink1

*anyway.. i read BH’s Vday entry…. and u noe what? it’s his way of saying… ‘Vday is dreadful… bloody hell… y do i have gf!’ *

the pt is… since we can’t do anything to satisfy sexual urges… we shall talk abt it.. haha.. wanna noe? read on… :beam1
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i’m in one of those super irritatable moods today… i thnk i angered BH by my words which cut his heart into many pieces… but who cares… ‘as long as i’m happy’ that’s what he says… since he didn’t mind and still wld like to meet me and go out today… so be it…. yes… i shall tell my mum not to open the door for him…i’m gonna let him wait at my house void deck… under the hot weather… and i’ll take my own sweet time to prepare… then i’ll refuse to let him come near me… coz he will be perspiring and smelly…. wahahaha… how mean can i be… BUT do i look like i care??? :mad1

i asked BH… if he met any setbacks in his life before… he said… not really….i told him… “if i were to leave him 1 day… that would be a major setback for him..” isn’t it true?

yes…. BH is out for tuition… he won’t read this till he’s home tonight? hahaha… and when he see me later.. he’ll probably be too happy to be upset when he reads this….he’ll most likely smile at how silly i am… and wld even miss me more…. *looks at BH with innocent eyes*

that’s when i noe how much he loves me.. :heart1

anyway.. be glad tt i thot about all these stupid ideas… haha… it juz mean tt i won’t do it… coz i thought about it…. :wink1

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yesterday.. met up with XY and Fel at clarke quay… we went to Settlers Cafe at North Canal Road…well… i felt tt it was a cosy place to catch up with frens… play games.. and interact.. it’s better than playing dai dee.. u get what i mean? coz the games are much more interesting.. requires thinking and strategy…we spent about 3hrs there.. and managed to play a game only .. i forget the name… it’s a ticket or a trip something.. hmm… the pt is… it’s quite fun to play… and there are pple to teach u how to play the game! wowow… i like it… the games there are rather unique… coz i’ve nv seen them in toy shops before… and it’s rather costly… so.. overall.. it’s a GOOD concept and a great place to be at… the Settlers Cafe.. the price is reasonable… haha.. and if u r a SDU member… u’ll get 10% off… hmmm students will have special packages on weekdays too!!!

talking with XY and Fel… i felt abit sad.. they’re going to aust to study soon…. i’m so envious! haha.. think the pt is… i might miss them.. hmm… i wish i cld study abroad too…yeah…think it’ll tk me another 5 yrs… when pple are starting to work.. and earn big bucks… i’ll be studying? oo.. i’m so slow…

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i looked into the mirror today, and i looked ugly… BH is so not gonna haf a good time with me today… i’ll mk him suffer… and when i’m upset… i’ll mk sure he’s more upset then me…

if possible… i’ll like to abuse him…. bite him till he bleeds.. and beg me to stop…

wahahahaha… i’m such a saddist…

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i wonder what i’m getting for vday… i noe BH is getting Sound of music musical… we are watching the musical on mid-April…to celebrate the end of my practicum…. and my sis is coming along with us…

what else am i getting???? i really hope i won’t lugi lor…. coz i’m thinking of getting a watch for BH… coz if u all noticed.. he isn’t wearing a watch.. and it irritates the hell out of me when he looks at his hp to check the time… hello… it’s like soooooooo obvious….. and it’s like he can’t wait to go home or what… furthermore… a guy w/o a watch is not a guy… so not masculine…he looks sooooooooo sloppy can… sorry to other guys who dun wear watches… it’s just my personal opinion.. no offences man…

the watch i wanna get…. nice???? hmm… coz casio is having a sale on this model… i’m thinking of getting it… i got BH to try it…. and it looks ok?? i dunno… though i still feel that he’s toooooo skinny and not masculine…. the pt is… if i get the watch.. it will be the most expensive gift i ever got…. i’m in a dilemma coz it’s so silly for a girl to spend more on a guy…..and i hope he won’t get me puny ear stubs.. hello… do i look like i wear small ear stubs??

the watch is nice right???

maybe i’ll go get it at JP on monday… after my lesson….

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well… i used to like the 1st quarter of the year.. coz so many things is happening…
1) CNY
2) Vday
3) my bday
4) BH’s bday
5) our aniversary…

somehow… think i lose the enthu already….we need some spark in our r/s… tt’s what i always feel… somehow.. there’s no sweet and romantic feel… coz.. everything is juz stagnant… and I tk things for granted… coz of my mentality… “iyah… i don’t think BH will mind.. look at his face.. no girls will like”

yeah man… in future… it’s no wonder tt we aren’t together anymore….

LOVE isn’t important… MONEY is….

i ought to be shoot right…. :cool1

hmm.. as u all noe… i’m gonna be posted to a primary school for practicum on Feb 21.. i’ll be going to Xinmin Primary School.. the good thing is.. it’s near my place.. heez.. the principal is changed… so it’s not tt bad afterall… think there will be 2 VPs though… *1 old, 1 new* :blank1 anyway.. i was looking at the website and i got so scared… coz… everyone is old… and i got to be very humble.. show enthu in CCA or other activities… willingness to learn… and a whole lots of things..basically.. work till i die… coz if we trainees go home to early they will be v unhappy…. so it’s very ‘wayang’ …

the worst is the class … think it’ll be upper primary… wanna noe what’s so bad??? it’s coz i got to mark compo…. :err1 still nvm… i dunno who’s my CT = cooperating teacher… i hope she’s goos man… and is not a HOD… heeez… i dun mind the same as last yr’s one.. right… called the school and i’ll be in the morning session! GREAT!!! :beam1

things i will do this practicum:
1) be very fierce
2) i will not smile
3) i will write not so detailed LP… except for obeservations

this week:
1) do resposne paper topic 5
2) study ELE test
3) relax

it’s slping time…..:sleep1
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somehow….. i think someone remembered me in his/her prayers… or maybe God reads my blog and showed me that i’m not alone…

dunno why… it’s amazing how my day was being lightened up…

1) my NIE frens were like so friendly to me… hmm… i wasn’t alone today… though i had 4hrs break….

2) i met Liting on the bus 199.. i was so happy to see her… coz…. the bus was very crowded.. and she was standing next to me….juz like an ‘angel’ except tt she’s not one… haha..how many times do u get up on the bus and see a fren? it’s like choosing to enter from a particular door in the long MRT train… and you meet a fren… :grin1

3) 2 NIE frens msg me on MSN.. juz to say ‘Hi’ to me..

4) some1 tagged on my tagboard…

5) my mum made my fave soup for dinner

ultimately… i am loved…. :heart1

things i want to do:
– shopping
– return library books
– upgrade my national library card for $22/yr
– have dinner with BH… take a walk… relax and talk *seems a long time since we did this*
– get Vday gift for BH *was too bz with practicum to get anything.. will make up for it this year*

it’s slping time….

i know pple i do not know are reading my blog… thanks for visiting this humble little space of mine :smile1

as u all noe today is the DEADLINE for lots of assignments…. well… i managed to complete my work but… went to school… saw my frens’ work and i realised tt what i had done cld be better.. pple just spoil market… putting in things tt are not necessary at all… for example: Reflection of the assignment… come on.. we are supposed to do it in class… nvtheless… a nice fren of mine.. informed me at the last minute.. 10 pm last night… and i did that bloody reflection till nearly 2am this morning…

that’s not all…. coz we need to share our assignment — unit plan… it’s for 5mins only.. and my dearest classmates made really fantastic ppt slides… what abt me??? i came to school with no ppt slides or whatever… i was panic-stricken.. sharing is only worth 10marks… BUT even 1 mark mks a huge diff… as a result.. i skipped lunch and did the ppt slides… which was quite badly done… i only got 1hr to do it… argh… my sharing was a flop…think i’ll get 6/10…

the worst is… i was the last to do my unit sharing…. i was so envious.. coz i think i didn’t do enuff preparation… :err1 in the end.. the teacher was very impressed with our class’s sharing… coz.. diploma studenets put in more effort in our work compared to degree students…. it must be the dunno how many times tt i’m hearing this…

the pt is…. i am so envious of pple who are able to pursue a degrees now.. i mean… if u have a chance… do it well… i want it so much.. and i’m not even near it…. pls do not skip lectures or tutorials… there are many other pple who are deprieved of a university degree…. count your blessings and study hard..

i look at myself… there’s nothing else i can do… but to only wish and hope tt maybe i’ll be able to cross-over… i feel sad nad embarassed that i’m in NIE.. i can’t even wear short skirts or whatever i like to sch… fearing tt tutors will catch me… parents of students will see me… my youth is gone…

i want to be a normal girl…. to be able to do something tt i like in future.. i guess… it’ll tk me 5 more years to be able to do so..

i can’t help but to think of my A-level rlts again…. i hate being labelled as a ‘JC dropout’…

on the other hand… life is good.. i realised that alot of pple care for me… esp BH… who sent me a ecard today…

i’m thankful for frens who bothers to talk to me and ask me how i am…

i feel glad to meet and see my frens… knowing tt all of them are in uni… and i’m not… u noe what i mean….

maybe life is like that… u need to go through some difficulties to truely appreciate what you got right?

putting all these aside… i still got work to do… my response paper which i haven’t even start on… it’s gonna be a long night again…

i’m in a depressing mood today..

awwww…. my fave song! :beam1

bought Jay’s CD for my sis… and he sang this song!!!! it’s sooooooooo nice…

MJ has 10% discount for POSB/DBS card members!

hahaha…. then i suddenly thot…. the phrase ‘ai wo bie zhou’ = Love me don’t go.. (direct translation) is sweet… BUT impractical…. in my opinion…i only have ‘ai wo jiu bang wo’ = Love me Help me…

BH.. do u love me?? love me then do my work for me…. :wink1

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can’t wait for 31Jan to be over… argh….too many things happening

haven’t finish my work yet…

To-do List for tml:
1) print out my ECE assignment… and organise them *i’m so bad at organising stuff…. juz look at my table when i’m doing asignment… it’s VERY messy… my sis need to help me to do my mindmap… coz i’m too messy to be organised*
2) ECM ICT lesson plan– practise drawing graphs on excel *technology sucks!*
3) start thinking about my response paper

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my partner for ICT lesson called me and told me she’s ill… grandma passed away… need to do ECE assignment…. how do i deal with this??? geeez… think she’s implying tt i’ll do her part for her…. this sucks! :psycho1

sorry.. but i hate pple telling me that they will ‘TRY THEIR BEST’… HELLO!!!! juz say ‘I WILL DO IT!’

yeah… i’m fussy… I like things MY way

Hate me..

i’ve got this universial studios japan brochure… really hope to go there 1 day…. it looks so fun!!! oh yar… and maybe disneyland again…. ahhhhhhhh…. i suspect the next time i visit japan wld be 10yrs later… no lar… not honeymoon… honeymoon go japan not romantic enuff leh… :tongue1

well……….. while i let my thoughts run wild…. my assignment is not done yet…. sad man…. :err1 glad tt BH helped me with my work… like typing and formatting the docs… i know y my frens tk so long to do their work… coz… they no external help mah…. thanks BH!

thnk tt’s all for now… :sad1

yes.. so there’s lots to do…

deadline on 31/1/05:
1) ECE unit plan
2) ECM ICT lesson
3) Presentation of unit plan

4) Response paper (1/2/05)

kill me…………………………

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i realised that the nicest pple in NIE must be my YEP frens… the bond is there… i love the way they care for me…. like…. seeing me in the library… offering help and CONSTRUCTIVE suggestions…. juz makes my day… at least i know that they are genuinely nice…

met Nisha on the bus today.. well… both of us are full of crap… so we were crapping the whole time… haha…. coz BH called…. after which… this was our conversation…

Nisha: how’s u and BH?
me: we are okie
Nisha: amanda… BH is a nice guy… u must never ever break up with him…
me: haha…
Nisha: don’t break up with him…promise me?
me: *gives a silly smile*

an ominious sign isn’t it? :blank1

haha… so i came home… after long hrs at library looking for resources for the unit plan…. was greeted by the aroma of my mum’s cooking… yummy!!! the pt is… the moment i reached home..

mum: ehhh.. where ah bing??
me: he didn’t come
mum: i purposely cooked his share of dinner!! is he at the bus-stop.. ask him up…
me: he didn’t send me home
mum: *disapted look*

the pt is……….it seems like my life revolves ard BH…..

i wonder how would things be like without him….

i think..technology is the root of all evil… without it.. i can finish my work fast… i don’t have to lose my temper for things not looking what i want it to be….. soooooooooooooo… God must have given me BH so that he cld helped me with all these shit….. argh i fortunate?

BH ..Thanks for being part of my life and helping me with my work…. and of corrs.. for writing my essay and i got a ‘C’…nvtheless… thanks man!

***i’m guilty for being such a mean gal…………***

yeah.. being sick is the worst thing tt can happen when u have lots to do….

i juz wanna die….

i think of all the work that my fren had done… and me??? i haven’t done anything SOLID.. i ought to be shot!

soooooooo when all things fail… i juz have to depend on my partner BH… yeah… he did help me with my work… but somehow.. it wasn’t good enuff… i mean… how can i complain when i left all the thinking.. all the typing to him right??? thanks so much for trying ur ‘best’ …

hey! even my mum say “you know that you are not feeling well.. and you don’t wanna do ur work.. u shld ask BH to stay over and help u!” yeah man… BUT BH is juz a mummy boy.. he has to go home.. no matter how late… what to do…. :err1 he’s sooooooo old already!!! get a life man!

it’s time to do some readings… then maybe some work…

abt projects is………
1) doing with pple tt u do not know
2) doing with pple tt u do not know and u hear bad things abt them
3) doing with pple tt u do not know and heard bad things and very product orientated
4) all the above + u got no nice pple in the same TG as you

yeah… i like working as a grp… BUT not when i face alot of pressure to excel… it’s like… i feel so scared tt i’m be the one pulling down everyone’s grades… haiz… who ask me… didn’t do well enuff to get to uni…. i’m stranded with pple who are generally older than me = more experience… pple push me ard…. pple who try to tk advanatage and climb all over me… all these are mking me sooooo stressed for no reason… argh… u get the idea??

on top of that individual assignments drives me crazy too…

sometimes.. i think i’ll go to woodbridge one day… i can’t control my feelings.. and v often.. the person whom i vent my frustrations on is BH… oh well… see.. i change my mood easily… i can be nice at a pt of time.. and bad at another time….

glad tt BH tries to accomodate me all the time……he wrote me a card which was really sweet… thanks man…. u noe why he wrote me a card? part of the reason is he wanna cheeer me up… the other part is… he hang up the phone on me last night… coz i was acting like a b*tch…..

i’m having a bad headache now.. and i so need to rest…

i’m mad…