In 16 hours time.. i will be away on my well-deserved holiday to HK-Macau-Shenzhen … shld be very exciting right??? but somehow.. i feel so anxious and afraid…. argh… i hate this feeling…. like i’m afraid that something bad will happen…. and it will be the 1st time that BH and i will be travelling together from the beginning to the end… i feel so insecure man…. i mean… not tt i juz knew him or something… juz afraid… coz no sister/no friends/no parents… juz me and him…. it juz freaks me out… what if something happens to me or him while we r in a foreign land???? hope i’ll be able to enjoy myself and not be so paronoid… :cuckoo:
i wonder.. how come other girls can go abroad with their bfs feeling so relaxed??? i juz can’t… i know i’m weird… please pray that BH won’t become a wolf or a vampire or something scary… *shiverX100000000000000* i think i am so gonna miss my sister :sad1
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actually i shld have blogged about this long ago… BUT blogging abt this now isn’t too late…
On 1 Dec 2007, BH and i went down to HDB to sign the lease of agreement to buy the flat( this thingy will sort of confirm that we MUST get married in a few yrs down the road.. so that we wld get the keys) .. we were supposed to meet for breakfast first b4 we sign it BUT i was late (read below to find out more)…. BH was real upset that i came late for one of the impt event of our lives however i was even more upset coz this event will mark “That’s it” for me and he hasn’t even asked for my hand offically.. ( no.. it’s not the diamond ring it’s juz his sincerity…. i mean i don’t doubt his love for me.. juz that i m not sure how sincere/serious he is with me or rather with us)
prior to that, i have told you all ( the pple who read my blog) about our dilemma… besides this, i also kept thinking about how BH is shortchanging our relationship… things are nt what i had planned… it becomes really “messed up” as time goes on…
i always thot that a couple would only apply for a flat when the bf proposed… but we SKIPPED that step… we juz jumped right into it… i feel so weird…. so i went to read my livejournal blog “littledreamz” and i realised that it actually took us more than a yr to settle on our flat… and when we first started… the feeling was mutual…even w/o him proposing! *stupid me.. i must be blinded*
so i recalled what YM and Caryn said respectively ” ehh… in Singapore… buy flat = get married leh ” and ” wah… it’s a big thing.. have to take it seriously” and i sorta panicked!!! why??? coz… he hasn’t PROPOSED and signing the bloody lease of agreement means it’s “THE END”
Definition of “THE END” : we will surely get married by 30 JUNE 2012 coz of the flat…
oh well…. and so… i feel cheated and shortchanged…. there goes romantic proposal ( though he said he would propose) … even if he evetually proposed, the proposal isn’t meaningful anymore… *bang head* reality is different from my idealistic world….
of course, BH is aware of what i am thinking… and he juz HATES it when i go on about such things… BUT i can’t help myself that i am a woman and i think thisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss much…… after 12, 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, blah blah yrs…. i hope that i could still look back and smile at this chapter of my life…
so i guess it’s “That’s it” for me now…. *wallows in self-pity*
