Secret

my day started off really nicely…. maybe not so… coz the moment i look at the mirror… i see myself looking FAT or rather.. very unfit…. sooooooooo it’s not tt BH and i had stopped the badminton sessions… BUT i feel tt i need more exercise..

so… sch ended early today….coz of NTU 50th anniversary… since ym can’t meet me… i’ve decided to go jogging… so i ran 1km today and walked 2km… which was GREAT… and if this continues… i’ll get in shape soon! :beam1 so now my exercise days are thursdays and saturdays and sundays… the rest of the days i’ll end sch VERY late… seee…. IF only i have a free day man… or my tut ends earlier…

besides exercising… i’ve decided tt i’ll eat a heavy breakfast.. and FRUITS for lunch… and vege and abit of rice for dinner… avoiding meat at all cost… anyway, i’m not a fan of meat… haha… i’ll eat chicken and fish only…. and i’ve stopped eartong beef for like afew mths already…

really hope tt my diet plan works man… i’m sick of seeing a FAT me everyday… and it’s not tt i’ve no maths tuts to do… can go exercise….BUT what’s all the knowledge IF you look out of shape…

my aim: i wanna be a Beauty with brains

hahaha… this time i not say say only… i really mean it… :beam1

————————————————

went for consultation for Calculus today… and our tutor said we were improving…. and i kinda agreed with him… i think… i am able to cope with his style… and manage the tuts better now…. good job amanda! :blush1 and KEEP IT UP!

oh well… i thnk darrell’s bday party muz be a nice one.. though it’s not really like a party.. BUT then.. come on lar… it’s DARRELL can!!! he’s finally 21 years old!!!

evidence to show tt darrell had grew up:
1) he doesn’t pull ponytails anymore
2) he calls to mk sure u r safe at home
3) he drives you home from simei to hougang! *thanks sooooo much! tt made you the sweetest guy for the day… hahaha*

wowow.. good job darrell! hahaha… though i dun think u’ll read this entry… BUT if you do pls leave a tag.. :grin1

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARRELL!!!! may all your BIG dreams come true! and find a girlfriend soon lar…. i can intro!!

ZHIHUI u shld haf came up to darrell’s place with us!!!!! then u’ll get a free lift home too…. sorry for leaving you alone…. hmm…. if i was insensitive ysterday… i’m sorry… i dun mean it…. dun be angry ok… :blush1

so we all had a nice time catching up with each other… and it’s super cool to see everyone sooooo handsome and pretty and i even have a classmate who’s a broadcast journalist on Power98!!! so cool right?? :wink1 was abit disapted tt i didn’t get to see diana, shiuan and liting…

——————-

if you read Bh’s entry, he had juz bought a new phone… and the camera sux coz… i look soooooo ugly in the pics we took…. haiz… i really really GAINED WEIGHT :pout1

it’s sooooooo interesting to noe tt he’s so super dependent on me can… he was like “do you like it?” “which one is better?” i was like…. “YOU are the one using the phone right!!!”

so while BH bought the phone… i took home the free gift… a water bottle… how pathetic… :mad1but it’s better than nothing… :blank1

luckily, BH treated me to dinner at ichiban sushi… geeez.. so he’s trying to keep me quiet by stuffing my mouth with food :eek1

tt’s all for today!!!

and special thanks to caryn, zhihui, shiuan, liting and diana for my bday gift… i LOVE it soooooo much… heeeez… $100 topshop voucher…wahahaha…i shall get a belt with big buckles, a top and a skirt.. heeez… :smile1

i’m a happy girl this wkend…:wink1

it’s days like this when i feel soooooooo disgusted with myself…

today started really nicely… my class will start at 12.30 which means i cld slp a little more and not be going to sch in the ‘rush hr’… the morning was exceptionally bright and pretty when i’m meeting BH after sch.. which ends at 2.30!! and it was even better when my mum bought my fave ‘9-layer kueh’… i thot all will go on well and that includes a Number Theory test tt i’ll be having in the afternoon…

of corrs… things didn’t turn up as well…. the test is really ez… come on…. it’s ez compared to the Calculus test… i thot i was well-prepared… i was wrong…. i actually didn’t noe or dunno how to do 2 out of 3 qns…. i mean… my mind was like not functioning during the test..

aft the test… we were discussing our ans… i mean… since i do not know how to do the qns… i got no ans to discuss abt in the 1st place… and the feeling is horrible esp when papaya need to keep TELLING me HOW MUCH MISTAKES I MADE… HELLO! i know i am dumb can…. at that pt of time…. i was soooo angry and frustrated with myself .. and failing another quiz is not what i want…. :pout1 i felt bad.. coz i stormed off really quickly… being ALONE was what i wanted…. and i hate myself…

so u can imagine tt clown who’s crying on the bus and in the train… i juz cannot control myself… and BH was late… he came out of his house late.. and this made me even more sad… he said he’ll PICK ME UP.. BUT he obviously didn’t…

juz when i thot i was the worst person in the whole wide world…. i recalled seeing a blind man on the mrt…. the blind man can’t even read the maths qns…let alone do right…

i wish i was smarter…

it’s the time of the sem when work gets piling up.. and you feel too busy for anything… which includes dating…

hmmm… let’s see… i’ve only met BH for like once last wk… which is going to be the case for many weeks to come…. and he can’t even meet me during the weekend… coz of his stupid HYP… :blank1 yar lar.. i’m abit disapted… BUT when i see the bad shape he was in on friday….big pimple and no appetite… i knew tt he wasn’t having a good time either… :oogle: thanks to technology… we can see talk on the phone… even though we dun meet… at least there’s communication…

usually BH wld be at my place during the wkend… but not today… coz he thinks he look aweful… haha… well…

mum: why ah-bing didn’t come today?
me: coz he thinks he looks ugly
mum: must be you go and critize him right
pa : you muz haf told him that ‘you so ugly… dun walk next to me’
me: *that was precisely what i did!!!*

oh well… i hope that BH’s work will go on smoothly…. jia you!!

haiz.. while i jia you on the bloody calculus…. sianz……………..

i came home and i realised tt there were 2 essays of similar filename on my desktop. one of the essays is the CORRECT one…. and my sis actually took the effort to carefully examine the sentences i made and to evaluate my pts…….. BUT i’m worried now… coz i might had printed and submitted the unedited version of the essay…. shit!! :blank1 i pray hard tt i’m not this careless :err1

life’s like this.. u’ve got ur ups and your downs… unfortunately, i seem to have more downs compared to ups?

today… or rather almost everyday except friday i woke up with a bad headache… if you still do not know me… my headache will last for almost the whole day… and of corrs it’s no exception today… it hurts so badly tt panadol didn’t seem to tk my pain away… so painful that i was tearing… yes… i tried to take my mind off the pain by listening to corrinne may which didn’t help…

to mk it worst i’ve got Calculus maths quiz!!! and the shar pain was piercing through my head like a freshly sharpened knife… hey.. i’m not exaggerating…. in fact… it was sooo painful tt i felt like vomiting….. sooooooooo i didn’t really revised my calculus… the more i look at maths… the more painful my headache is…….

and the pain was soo bad tt i can;t thnk was the test…. and all the qns look alien to me…….. and knew tt i won’t pass the test… indeed… i’ve got 3.5/20 and i feel sooooo sucky…. how i noe the test scores? tt’s coz my tutor mk the crossovers script right after the test….

if u wanna noe… i scrored the lowest amg the rest… and the feeling is bad…. the funny thing is… awhile after the test.. the headache stopped… i mean…. is my body playing a trick on me….

i can see that i won’t be able to catch up with the rest… i failed too badly already.. and it’s no shock tt i may need to retk this module can…. there goes my honours… :pout1

today BH and i were playing with M1’s Bubble Msg… actually it’s nothing lar.. juz tt besides sms, you can call the number and leave a voicemail then the other person cld hear it… it’s like a voicemail.. BUT it’s free for M1 to M1 only!! :beam1

BH may be changing phone… which is soooooo cool… so i secretly hope tt he’ll get a 3G phone for us…. :grin1

soooo…friday is a no maths day = a happy day.. BUT i’m extremely tired… muz be coz of the travelling…

anyway, i’ve got a bloody calculus test on monday… which i haven’t done revision…and calculus tutorial.. which i havent done and dare not look at the qns… i shall settle other non-numbers modules 1st… like i’ve got 2 essays to write in the wkend…. yar lar… i do work super slow…. :sad1 and i machiam can blog now… i shld do my work… sianz.. tml then do…

during social studies class… my tutor ask us to list 5 things tt i value most…nvm abt what my 5 values are.. BUT i asked BH what he values the MOST.. and he was like “your existance” … warmth juz filled my heart :smile1 BUT i told myself tt i must treasure this moment… coz after he grad, what he values most wld be “career” then 5 yrs later “money and status” and i’ll be out of the picture… tt’s a sad truth…

you know derrick in superstar channel U? my mum and papaya thinks tt BH looks abit like him can! hahaha.. where got lor! and BH is sooooo derrick-crazy coz of this lor…. come on lar… if you look like derrick, i look like kelly can……. and i love kelly btw… heeeez…

it’s slping time… nightz!

school is bad… the moment i wake up in the morning… i have a headache.. when i go to school.. the headache continues…

maths mods are the worst.. once u dun understand something.. everything will keep tumbling after you… really… so everyday it’s maths…. and i still do not understand some concepts… and i feel miserable and horrible… and i tried to ask… pple or rather tutors explained and i still dun see it… it’s sooooo demoralising…. oh well, i’m not good in maths in the 1st place.. :pout1 even BH thinks tt he is reaching a pt when he cldn’t help me anymore… coz… he didnt learn so indepthly…

the only thing i look forward to is…. coming home…. i love my mum.. who cooks nice food…. and my super nice sister who nv fails to entertain me with her non-stop rumblings…. and studying is much better than teaching… i muz enjoy…

what shld i blog abt??
right.. abt my pimple? it’s still there and getting BIG.. it’s affecting me so much tt i didn’t wanna go out :sad1 okok… i’m like such a vainpod man… BUT.. i am what! hahaha

so i woke up this morning and realised tt the bloody time of the month is here… sooooo no wonder i was in a super low and pissy mood the last few days… BUT i am ok now lar… it’s juz my pimple now…. :rant: and i look like a piece of :poop: now

anyway, tml.. my lesson is gonna be till 7.30pm can… argh… soooooooo sianz… hahaha… BUT BH’s lesson is gonna end at 9.30pm lor!!!! wahahaha…

and u noe what.. serve BH right for being such an ass for the past few days.. as a punishment.. he’s losing his voice… and noe what’s sooooo exciting??? haha… mking him angry when he has no voice to talk…. :wink1 which is BAD in a way too coz no1 can explain the bloody maths to me :blank1

today i had no choice BUT to get out of my house coz it’s my grandma’s bday… on the way there… i looked over to this family wagon where there’s this really cute and handsome little boy!

me: wow… look at the little boy in tt car.. tt’s how i want my son to look like (cute, bright and cheery)
mum: if u r gonna be with ah-bing u won’t get a son like tt
me: haha…yes! i know… so i need to find a new guy..
sis: actually u look at his father… not good looking also… BUT in future if u have a son and you think he’s the BEST looking in the whole wide world… don’t ask me for opinions :oogle:
me: :cuss: if i become principal next time… ur kids will die in my hands… wahahaha

i think for a daughter my genes not bad…juz tt my daughter won’t be smart… with BH… his genes will probably mk my son smart.. BUT lazy… untidy and ugly and maybe mk my kid prone to pimples.. hahaha… so i need a better man! haha…

right… enuff crap…

isn’t it amazing when u realised tt other pple know you better than you know urself?

it happens to me… and i hate it when they cld tell what ugly thots i have in my little brain…

i wish to think tt i’m tt i’m NOT a possessive freak… BUT sometimes i cld get really insecure… probably PMS or maybe it’s tt ugly pimple on my face… so i was super upset tt BH is going out with his frens on a saturday night!!! HELLO!!! he is supposed to go out with me!!! i mean…we already haf plans like on tuesday.. way b4 his fren ask him out… right… so i HATE it when for the whole week, what you were looking forward to is that weekend.. BUT it needs to be ruined by some assholes… yes.. if you are BH’s frens reading MY blog, make sure you tell him in ADVANCE when you wanna meet up with him… he may have plans you know… damn it…

so.. i felt really sucky and sensitive… coz BH choose his frens over me… i mean… i dun think i’ll be like tt if it’s not for tt PIMPLE on the right cheek of my face… it’s super low morale can….. nvm…. stupid maths tutorials are also soooooooooo low morale…. the only real ego booaster is my ability to make BH’s bright and cheery day into a HELL day…. and i love it when i can upset him… the MORE upset he get.. the more KICK i have…

yes… u r right if u say i’m mad.. and i’m tt kinda fren tt u dun wanna be with :blank1 i always tell BH tt it’s a sooner or later thing tt we break up… haha.. i’m not a nice person to live with for a long period of time… oh.. and it’s also no wonder tt such a beautiful girl ( self-promclaimed when i don’t have pimples, do not have admirers) wahahaha :pout1

actually, i’m not exactly bad… i’m juz too implusive.. after the sh*t i said and done…i’ll reflect on my actions… and i think things wld be sooooo different if i use some TLC on BH… i cld have said something like “i really wish we cld spend sat. together… you can go out with them the next week… “ his heart wld have melted right on the spot…. oh well… this time, the thought didn’t count… actions does MATTER

my sis and mum who’s always the 3rd party…. wld read my mind and say “come on.. you juz wanna wear ur new clothes right… tt’s y it matters so much tt u wanna go out…” < --- which is true :blush1 amazing... _________________________________________________________ a weird dream.. i dreamt tt i was heavily pregnant... and the baby was going to be due soon... so i went to the doc ALONE ......and she did a ultrascan.... i can't tk it any longer (i didn't want to noe the gender of the baby previously) and ask her what's the gender of the baby... and she told me tt the baby is a girl! soooooo i got really upset coz i really wanted my baby to be a BOY!!! i was so angry tt i didn't wanna have my baby anymore... and the baby was coming out on the 1August... which i do not like the date coz i thot 2August was better... anyway, i woke up feeling really angry... and i wonder who's the father of the child in the dream... i didn't see any man leh... :sad1 and the man have bad sperm... tt's y i didn't get my son..and bad attitude coz he didn't accompany me to the doc...hahaha.... luckily, it's a DREAM!