Secret

as u all noe today is the DEADLINE for lots of assignments…. well… i managed to complete my work but… went to school… saw my frens’ work and i realised tt what i had done cld be better.. pple just spoil market… putting in things tt are not necessary at all… for example: Reflection of the assignment… come on.. we are supposed to do it in class… nvtheless… a nice fren of mine.. informed me at the last minute.. 10 pm last night… and i did that bloody reflection till nearly 2am this morning…

that’s not all…. coz we need to share our assignment — unit plan… it’s for 5mins only.. and my dearest classmates made really fantastic ppt slides… what abt me??? i came to school with no ppt slides or whatever… i was panic-stricken.. sharing is only worth 10marks… BUT even 1 mark mks a huge diff… as a result.. i skipped lunch and did the ppt slides… which was quite badly done… i only got 1hr to do it… argh… my sharing was a flop…think i’ll get 6/10…

the worst is… i was the last to do my unit sharing…. i was so envious.. coz i think i didn’t do enuff preparation… :err1 in the end.. the teacher was very impressed with our class’s sharing… coz.. diploma studenets put in more effort in our work compared to degree students…. it must be the dunno how many times tt i’m hearing this…

the pt is…. i am so envious of pple who are able to pursue a degrees now.. i mean… if u have a chance… do it well… i want it so much.. and i’m not even near it…. pls do not skip lectures or tutorials… there are many other pple who are deprieved of a university degree…. count your blessings and study hard..

i look at myself… there’s nothing else i can do… but to only wish and hope tt maybe i’ll be able to cross-over… i feel sad nad embarassed that i’m in NIE.. i can’t even wear short skirts or whatever i like to sch… fearing tt tutors will catch me… parents of students will see me… my youth is gone…

i want to be a normal girl…. to be able to do something tt i like in future.. i guess… it’ll tk me 5 more years to be able to do so..

i can’t help but to think of my A-level rlts again…. i hate being labelled as a ‘JC dropout’…

on the other hand… life is good.. i realised that alot of pple care for me… esp BH… who sent me a ecard today…

i’m thankful for frens who bothers to talk to me and ask me how i am…

i feel glad to meet and see my frens… knowing tt all of them are in uni… and i’m not… u noe what i mean….

maybe life is like that… u need to go through some difficulties to truely appreciate what you got right?

putting all these aside… i still got work to do… my response paper which i haven’t even start on… it’s gonna be a long night again…

i’m in a depressing mood today..

awwww…. my fave song! :beam1

bought Jay’s CD for my sis… and he sang this song!!!! it’s sooooooooo nice…

MJ has 10% discount for POSB/DBS card members!

hahaha…. then i suddenly thot…. the phrase ‘ai wo bie zhou’ = Love me don’t go.. (direct translation) is sweet… BUT impractical…. in my opinion…i only have ‘ai wo jiu bang wo’ = Love me Help me…

BH.. do u love me?? love me then do my work for me…. :wink1

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can’t wait for 31Jan to be over… argh….too many things happening

haven’t finish my work yet…

To-do List for tml:
1) print out my ECE assignment… and organise them *i’m so bad at organising stuff…. juz look at my table when i’m doing asignment… it’s VERY messy… my sis need to help me to do my mindmap… coz i’m too messy to be organised*
2) ECM ICT lesson plan– practise drawing graphs on excel *technology sucks!*
3) start thinking about my response paper

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my partner for ICT lesson called me and told me she’s ill… grandma passed away… need to do ECE assignment…. how do i deal with this??? geeez… think she’s implying tt i’ll do her part for her…. this sucks! :psycho1

sorry.. but i hate pple telling me that they will ‘TRY THEIR BEST’… HELLO!!!! juz say ‘I WILL DO IT!’

yeah… i’m fussy… I like things MY way

Hate me..

i’ve got this universial studios japan brochure… really hope to go there 1 day…. it looks so fun!!! oh yar… and maybe disneyland again…. ahhhhhhhh…. i suspect the next time i visit japan wld be 10yrs later… no lar… not honeymoon… honeymoon go japan not romantic enuff leh… :tongue1

well……….. while i let my thoughts run wild…. my assignment is not done yet…. sad man…. :err1 glad tt BH helped me with my work… like typing and formatting the docs… i know y my frens tk so long to do their work… coz… they no external help mah…. thanks BH!

thnk tt’s all for now… :sad1

yes.. so there’s lots to do…

deadline on 31/1/05:
1) ECE unit plan
2) ECM ICT lesson
3) Presentation of unit plan

4) Response paper (1/2/05)

kill me…………………………

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i realised that the nicest pple in NIE must be my YEP frens… the bond is there… i love the way they care for me…. like…. seeing me in the library… offering help and CONSTRUCTIVE suggestions…. juz makes my day… at least i know that they are genuinely nice…

met Nisha on the bus today.. well… both of us are full of crap… so we were crapping the whole time… haha…. coz BH called…. after which… this was our conversation…

Nisha: how’s u and BH?
me: we are okie
Nisha: amanda… BH is a nice guy… u must never ever break up with him…
me: haha…
Nisha: don’t break up with him…promise me?
me: *gives a silly smile*

an ominious sign isn’t it? :blank1

haha… so i came home… after long hrs at library looking for resources for the unit plan…. was greeted by the aroma of my mum’s cooking… yummy!!! the pt is… the moment i reached home..

mum: ehhh.. where ah bing??
me: he didn’t come
mum: i purposely cooked his share of dinner!! is he at the bus-stop.. ask him up…
me: he didn’t send me home
mum: *disapted look*

the pt is……….it seems like my life revolves ard BH…..

i wonder how would things be like without him….

i think..technology is the root of all evil… without it.. i can finish my work fast… i don’t have to lose my temper for things not looking what i want it to be….. soooooooooooooo… God must have given me BH so that he cld helped me with all these shit….. argh i fortunate?

BH ..Thanks for being part of my life and helping me with my work…. and of corrs.. for writing my essay and i got a ‘C’…nvtheless… thanks man!

***i’m guilty for being such a mean gal…………***

yeah.. being sick is the worst thing tt can happen when u have lots to do….

i juz wanna die….

i think of all the work that my fren had done… and me??? i haven’t done anything SOLID.. i ought to be shot!

soooooooo when all things fail… i juz have to depend on my partner BH… yeah… he did help me with my work… but somehow.. it wasn’t good enuff… i mean… how can i complain when i left all the thinking.. all the typing to him right??? thanks so much for trying ur ‘best’ …

hey! even my mum say “you know that you are not feeling well.. and you don’t wanna do ur work.. u shld ask BH to stay over and help u!” yeah man… BUT BH is juz a mummy boy.. he has to go home.. no matter how late… what to do…. :err1 he’s sooooooo old already!!! get a life man!

it’s time to do some readings… then maybe some work…

abt projects is………
1) doing with pple tt u do not know
2) doing with pple tt u do not know and u hear bad things abt them
3) doing with pple tt u do not know and heard bad things and very product orientated
4) all the above + u got no nice pple in the same TG as you

yeah… i like working as a grp… BUT not when i face alot of pressure to excel… it’s like… i feel so scared tt i’m be the one pulling down everyone’s grades… haiz… who ask me… didn’t do well enuff to get to uni…. i’m stranded with pple who are generally older than me = more experience… pple push me ard…. pple who try to tk advanatage and climb all over me… all these are mking me sooooo stressed for no reason… argh… u get the idea??

on top of that individual assignments drives me crazy too…

sometimes.. i think i’ll go to woodbridge one day… i can’t control my feelings.. and v often.. the person whom i vent my frustrations on is BH… oh well… see.. i change my mood easily… i can be nice at a pt of time.. and bad at another time….

glad tt BH tries to accomodate me all the time……he wrote me a card which was really sweet… thanks man…. u noe why he wrote me a card? part of the reason is he wanna cheeer me up… the other part is… he hang up the phone on me last night… coz i was acting like a b*tch…..

i’m having a bad headache now.. and i so need to rest…

i’m mad…

well…… yesterday i completed my essay… okok.. it’s we.. coz BH kinda contributed… then i read my readings… ate dinner… then went walkX2 in town… haha… actually..not really walk walk… coz i wanted to go borders to look at books….. those education books… i needed ideas for my assignments… yeah… BORDERS have good resource books for teaching… so i spent a whole lot of time there… and of corrs the romance section.. hahaha… i love to browse through those novels with erotic content… haha.. it’s juz interesting to read lar… :beam1

sooooooooo when i’m in town… i MUST eat ice-cream… geez.. so last night we didnt eat my fave Belgium Chocolate Ice-cream.. we went to eat even nicer ones at Marche! hahaha.. with of corrs… strawberry cheesecake…. it’s soooooooo yummy.. but v fattening… :eek1

some pics …

heeez… see the i’m avaliable?? yeah… i’m avaliable!!!! :wink1

but BH is reserved!! by ME ME ME… hahaha…

subject to changes though.. i belif better guys will come my way! heeez… nvtheless.. reserve 1st lar… :grin1

my yummy yummy cake and ice-cream!!! so ex man… $8 lor.. but anyway…. it taste so good!!! tiramisu ice-cream btw.. :yum1

and last but not least.. this is us!

my face look bigger hor?? told u i got fat!

so…… what have i done today….
1) wrote a letter on behalf of my father who was fined for speeding…. u noe what… it’s 87km/h lor!!!!! i suspect he’ll need to pay the fine… the letter can’t save him this time…
2) did my schedule for unit plan… hard work.. spent abt 3hrs on it… hmmm…. juz hope i’m on the right track…

things left:
*** do my readings again!

shit lar.. i’m hungry again! :pout1

yes… so i gave up on the essay… my house is juz too noisy for me to think well… so i might as well go out right??

so my sis lesson ended early… BH came over… 3 of us lunch at macs… which is a bad choice.. coz i’m obviously getting fat…but she insisted coz she wanna eat the twister fries…. yeah.. i feel tt i gained weigh… lots of fat to the extend tt when i sit… i feel my fats protruding out…. YUCKS!!!!! so fat tt i dare not tk pics lor…. :blank1 oh well… or maybe it’s juz my hair… rebonded it AGAIN… whcih is bad… coz i look sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pretty……. dull…. argh…. it’s too nice lar…. not like me… mk me feel like some icy queen…. or i can be compared to those chao ah lian lor… juz tt i didn’t colour hair… oh well… maybe those chao ah lians got better figure than me! the pt is…. i thought i look soooooooooooooooooooooooo boring tt i dare not admit tt i rebond my hair can… juz kill me!!!!

anyway.. the rebonding part is like 1 week ago… i didn’t wanna blog… coz… i don’t look any different!!!! tt’s the prob!!! :pout1 right…juz when i thought my complexion is ok…..i got this pimple tt juz pops up…. shit lar.. not pretty liaoz…

the pt is………… i’m really fun to be with lar…. dun look at my hair or my pimple and be turned off k… heeez…

so my mum say i got fat… i think BH thinks so too… juz tt he’s soooooooo well-trained to lie to me abt my physical appearance….. haha… tt’s coz i always tell him what to say to me when i ask him such qns…. argh…………. all my fault.. looks like i’m not getting any answers anywhere…. i’m living in a illusion!!!!!!

the pt is…….. my mum is such a good cook… tt i help it tt i got fat eating her yummy food!!! hahaha… and u noe what??? she cooked CHICKEN RICE!!!!! my fave!!! shit lar……….. FAT….. u all think BH put on weigh?? haha… coz he always come over for dinner mah…. y am i the only one putting on weight?? *bang head*

well… abt getting fat… let me share with u what my fren juz send me….

oh.. did i say ‘fren’??? she’s not my fren anymore… she wanna see me fat… and worst still… BROKE…. :mad1

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today we went out shopping at FOX… iyah… coz got sale mah… so BH the ah pek and me the auntie have to go.. coz it’s cheap cheap cheap!!!!! hahaha…. u noe what??? alot of pple will be waering the same clothes as me or rather us…. :eek1

things i bought today:
1) a shoulder off top i always wanted @ $10+
2) a long sleeve blouse for $10!! bought it coz i thought it cld cover my fats…
3) Celebrate English 5B TB @ $2!!!
4) Toto-chan … relatively new !! @ $3.90

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so BH is hoping to get attached…………………. finally…. wahahaha… no…. i mean…. get attached to a company during his hols…. u noe what??? i can’t wait for him to do tt :eek1 hope he gets it man….. come on lar…. he got to start somewhere…. at least i’ll noe if he’s capable of earnng $$ not mah…. hahaha…. else i can quickly go NTU and grab 1 guy b4 i go into the teaching environment… with mostly females… or married males :eek1

hahaha… so BH… u better get into BIG BIG BIG company ah…….

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i’m so convinced tt i’ll never finish my response paper.. it’s so difficult to write can…. let me show u what’s the desired outcomes of a PRIMARY education

At the end of primary school, pupils should:
1. be able to distinguish right from wrong
2. have learnt to share and put others first
3. be able to build friendships with others
4. have a lively curiosity about things
5. be able to think for and express themselves
6. take pride in their work
7. have cultivated healthy habits
8. love Singapore

come on lor….. how many of the above pts applies to u??? the education system is a flop lar….

right…. i noe how to response to the above so called desired outcomes… BUT to link it with the lengthy readings and a french video showing a french teacher in a french classroom is so tedious!!!!! :umm1

i pray hard and hope tt BH finish my essay for me……… hahaha…. it’s FAT HOPE…. :sad1

right… feeling so tired…. i’ll go slp now… night pple!

u noe what? i woke up at 8am today… i really wanna do my work…. BUT… i end up eating 3 slices of bread with 1.5 IKEA sausages that i bought yesterday… haha… yar… IKEA sells their uncooked sausages.. it’s yummy! of corrs i cooked them b4 eating!! but quite ex i feel… $3.50 for 5 sausages! haha.. anyway.. the pt is.. i brought my notebook to the kitchen.. hoping tt i’ll be able to concentrate on my essay… and deliberately switch off the modem and router..so i do not have internet connection… BUT guess what?????? my notebook detected somebody else’s wireless connection!!!!! argh………… seee…. i’m blogging now…

look at the time… 9.55am.. what have i done?? nothing!!!! :err1

well… so glad that it’s a 4day week.. coz i’ll get long weekend again.. tt’s the only thing i was looking forward to for the whole week… maybe not.. coz i actually look forward to seeing BH too… heeez… tt’s coz i can vent my frustrations on him… haha…

act. i got lots to do.. and it’s great tt BH is willing to help.. i mean… it’s like it comforts me to know that an individual project in school..may not be a individual project afterall… haha.. i got an invisible partner u see…

well.. i was reading my readings – Reflections on Singapore’s Education Policies in an Age of Globalisation…. i kinda like this article… so i was discussing one of the issues mentioned in the reading with BH…geeez… i hate to feel challeged … anyway this is a sensitive topic… will blog bt this when i have time…

today muz be one of those days that i really wanna be loved… coz it’s one of those days tt i want BH to send me home ..dunno y…i actually got into the house and came out again coz i wanted to see him.. so i watched silently till he board the bus and left… he didn’t notice me….

this weekend, i want to:
1) go shopping and buy something… juz to mk myself happy (Fri)
2) get a 2nd hand 5B Celebrate English TB and maybe resource books for teaching (Fri)
3) finalise my activties for unit plan and start typing the schedule (Sat)
4) MUST finish my respose for the above raeding (by sunday) —> draft by tonight

tt’s it.. amanda… self discipline…. tireness is juz an excuse to be lazy