Secret

argh.. ever since i met caryn that fateful day… who brought me to that certain corner in Kino bkshop….. i felt sooooooooo in need…. needless to say… u won’t want me to tell you what we did… :blush1

NOTHING

the pt is… we can’t do anything lar.. else i’ll still b in need meh…

sooo… i tried to distract myself by reading CLEO which obviously didn’t help….then i tried watching tv… which didn’t help too…

i talked to feli this afternoon… which was bad… coz she showed me really sick emoticons… it’s like soft porn…what i need was the real thing… not porn…..

and BH unable to satisfy me…. coz… he’s got no time… and is tooooooooo busy studying for his exams…..

so u noe what i’m in need of???? think i better not say….

i’m in need of love and attention :beam1

wahahaha.. what r u thinking????u pple with sick brains :wink1

i was looking for an old book that i had read when i was in the earlier part of JC2… so… i log into my very old blog… yeah… the diaryland one… it amazing to read my entries that date back from September 2001!!

oh well…. the book title is “Through a glass, darkly” i missed that book alot… coz i like the idea of angels watching over us… think i may go look for that book again… :beam1

besides the book… i read abt how i first felt about BH and i realised why i fell in love with him in the first place… well… most of u pple wld have known our story… BUT the pt is…. i fell in love coz…..

“sometimes someone says something really small…. fits in2 the empty space in ur heart..” :heart1

love is juz this simple….

quoted from my old blog March 2002: of corrs.. love means something more now…

“love .. thinking of the person all the time.. 1st person on ur mind when u wake up.. last person on ur mind when u go 2 sleep at night.. wanting 2 share everything with that some1.. want 2 tell that some1 d whole lot of things that happen to u..always hoping for that some1 2 be happy.. loving unconditionally.. not being possessive of that some1..dun haf 2 say anything yet he/she will understand..”

我承认我也有点情绪 该好好谈却让你离去
改天买点什么哄你 你就不会生气
一个星期都没你消息 十七个留言都没回应
感觉有一点不对劲 让我开始担心
我说了什么 我做了什么 还是问题不在谁认错
错在那不该做的却一直做 该说的没有说
我说了什么 我做了什么 你我还要骗自己多久
如果装若无其事重头来过 让我们比较好过 是对还是错
Hey ooh ooh 有什么出错
足够的技巧不去争执 足够的成熟但没情趣
会是爱得不够多 还是根本爱错
分手这念头你有闪过 老实说我也想过很多
难得但讽刺的默契 想想会更难过
我说了什么 我做了什么 还是问题不在谁认错
错在那不该做的一直做 该说的没有说
我说了什么 我做了什么 你我还要骗自己多久
如果装若无其事重头来过 让我们比较好过 是对还是错
怪你不如我先想清楚 慢慢了解爱不是在比谁痛
多用心都没有用 怪缘分不够

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old layout with a new look… and a new song’s up!!! :grin1

obviously BH made me unhappy today.. so he compensate me with this.. maybe he didn’t mk me unhappy… i juz need to mk him think that he pissed me off…. so i’ll get something nice in return… not bad… considering that he’s got exam next monday?

but then again… this kinda of website stuff is juz like nothing to him…

*points at the heading of the site*

beautiful girls bite… BUT i’m not juz beautiful… wahahaha :wink1

haha.. dear frens… i was reading Cleo.. and i decided to try my luck to be the first 500 person to email Essential Brew to get a $5 discount… and wowowow!!! i got it can!!! :beam1

in future we can go chill out there… probably drink some tea or what… it’s ard coffeebean price…heeez… anyway… there’s still a 10% discount thingy on the mag itself lar… hahaha… so we can spilt ourselves into 2 tables or what… heeeez… :blush1

tt’s all… :yum1

for those who didn’t buy Cleo….the email is cleo1@essentialbrew.com.sg… juz email ur name, I/C no. , Moblie and address!!! good luck!!!

and……….shop at HEEREN between APRIL 29 to MAY 8 got 20% discount with the Cleo Shop-a-thon card… which comes with this mth’s CLEO!!! wahahahaha…

Bottomline.. buy CLEO!!! :wink1

i began to think that the kids dun genuinely like me… coz… how cld u like some1 so quickly within a mth… yeah.. i didn’t tell the kids that the 15 was my last day… and it came to them as a shock… coz i didn’t even get to give them the candies i got for them myself….or even show them the flipbook that BH did on their poems…

oh well.. maybe it was their art lesson… they made me cards…. and wrote things like “i love you miss Goh” .. haha… some funny ones who saw BH picking me up b4 wrote “Hope ur r/s with ur BF wld be very good” … some wrote ” Miss GOh.. you r very pretty” .. ” You will become the best teacher in singapore!”

u see… i think these kids wrote all these juz for the sake of it… and they dun really meant it… but… at least they appreciated what i did i hope… what matters most is.. they benefit from my lessons…

yar.. the sch clerk told me that i wld most probably come back to xinmin again… and the SCM congratulated me.. which felt really good…dunno for what… maybe for my completing my practicum 2 sucessfully… my NIE supervisor came and she told edwin and i that the sch is very pleased with our performance… soooooo… what can i say…. though i made some mistakes in the process of learning ..these mistakes helped me to grow and become a better teacher…in future

while the other trainee left sch at 2pm on friday.. i stayed till 4+… i still had a lot of marking to do….yar… and that’s like the ws and the compos they did on friday… my CT did not bother to offer her help….

to tell u the truth…. in this practicum… i feel very independent… my CT did not help me much… her feedback aren’t constructive at all…. it’s like “you shld include grpwork” and she didn’t tell me how… geeez… she’s a screwed up CT who doesn’t help me much lar… think my CTs in my 1st practicum r still the best….

bottomline..i still need to go back to sch on monday or tuesday to submit my stuff to my bloody CT…then i’m over and done with her.. i hope…

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watched The Sound of Music yesterday… with my sis and BH… hmm… it’s nice and entertaining… BUT i can’t help it but to compare it to Singin’ in the Rain.. coz i think the latter is better… maybe coz we’ve got better seats??? and there are less or no children ard???

so… i noe parents nowadays are rich.. BUT pls use ur common sense… can children sit still and watch a musical??? can they even understand??? i dunno what are these parents thinking… :eek1 those kids are irritating.. crying at the CLIMAX of the musical…. standing up on their seats…. asking qns and talking during the show… i’m like… HELLO!!!! the SOUND of Music isn’t even in their era!

all the 3 of us were very irritated…. still nvm…. pple were LATE for the show… and it’s like a nuisance… coz they got to move in… geeez… i’m so bloody pissed lar….

in future, pls put ur bloody kids at home then come and watch the show… else if you wanna have kids… this is what u need to sacrifice…. and you noe what… pls be early for the show…

tt’s all….

stayed in sch to mark books till 5.45pm today.. was with edwin and 2 other trainees… well… we ordered mac… haha.. and was talking and laughing… so we were quite happy lar… though stressed abt the amt of stuff we need to mark…

and happiness strucks when EDWIN IS WILLING TO HELP ME MARK COMPOs!!! wahahaha… coz he’s english is damn good and well.. at least i got help… heeez..

and the HOD want to check the kids’ sci WB… and i need to meet several pupils tml during recess… like abt 11 pupils… so i’m gonna bring some some biscuits… coz i’m afraid they got no time to eat…

then today.. i was pissed off with some boys who kept talking abt SEX.. dunno what’s their prob… this boy still dare to tell me ” that XXXX use scissors poke my here” *pts to his dick* geeeeeeeeeeez……..

and they got so excited coz today during sci.. they need to measure the CHEST size… HELLO!!! they are only at P4 can…. nowadays children are not as innocent as we think they are… :blank1

oh yes… those children were worst than monkeys today… sooooo i scolded them like siaoz… and i felt so proud of myself.. coz they remained really quiet… haha…

and they were like “miss goh… tml ur last day is it?” and i’m like ” NO! i still haven’t torture u all enough yet..” come on children… try me…. and you r gonna be a piece of DEAD MEAT… and i make sure i BREAK you into “one thousant one hundred and thirteen pieces” <--- quite from my pupils' compo when he wrote that the glass plates breaks into these amt of pieces? hahaha.. so funny... did he count the glass pieces or what.... gtg do my LP now.. sianz... things i need to do: 1) mark 2 sets of ws 2) schedule 3) reflection 4) pupils' achievement thingy sianz...... confirm tml stay till v late.. and sat muz go back to sch :sad1

BH did this for me…. i shan’t thank him coz he owe me… who ask him treat me like sh*t… who cares if he spend time on this…. who ask him to pissed me off 1st…

http://fakedevil.com/poems.swf

click on the link to view poems done by the class

i’m still having a very bad headache…

geeez.. maybe i’ll forget abt planning lessons for tml.. coz i plan to fail? :err1

reached sch today… the 1st thing i felt like doing was cry…. i saw that my table was filled with books and ws… filled with things that i needed to mark and do…. i feel so tired…. and helpless… because no1 understands…

now i’m having a bad headache…. and i haven’t prepared my lesson for tml…. i need to meet a number of kids to ask them to finish up their corrections.. coz the HOD wanted to check their sci WB…

i feel that my final observation sux…

yar.. so what if i’ll pass my practicum? i need to do better than a pass…. i dun want what happen during my As to happen again…. no way!

maybe i was thinking of that all the time… and i’ve been giving myself alot of pressure… i dunno… i juz feel so disgusted with myself.. and obviously, no1 understands…. :sad1 talking to BH is worst.. he’s bz with his work too… and he give me a bloody ” i’m smarter than you ” attitude which i totally hate.. so what if you are getting a degree!

it’s juz 2 more days… i dunno how am i going to survive 3-4 yrs of teaching….

and i still got 7 compos to mark… and 20 more compos coming in on FRIDAY itself… and the eng, maths HW book… corrections wif the kids… of corrs…. the lesson plans… which i have not done………

doesn’t all these workload give me a reason to cry out loud

what have i been doing?? why i do work so slow? i got no other commitments also…… WHAT’S WRONG WITH ME!!

Bh juz showed me this.. his very old blog…. i can’t rem him having it lor…

was reading the entries.. and i felt like i was like an insignificant figure:pout1 well… at least i noe that i’m his EVERYTHING now… wahahaha,, juz that i need to fight for a place with an inanimate object— the computer :mad1

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i’ve decided not to be upset with my observation.. it’s over… haiz…. if i didn’t do well… very most won’t go teach in xinmin next time…. and i can learn from my mistakes… so it isn’t too bad… right? i’ll juz treat the effort put into the lesson as an exercise? geeez… anyway.. BH collected 6 out of the 8 bottles for me… y shld i grumble bt the effort…. yar… i didn’t put in any effort…

my mood is subject to changes

today is one of those days i feel really down…. i dunno…the feeling is like… when i was in primary school and everyone else knew how to add and i juz didn’t know how no matter how attentive i was in class… or how hard i tried…

i had observation by the VP and the scm today… they are basically very nice pple… esp the VP… well…. i thot i was v well-prepared.. and for the first time… i felt very confident that things will turn out well… i dunno y… juz that i put in ALOT of effort for my ALL my observations…. BUT my effort is always not repaid….

the feeling sucks… BUT i guess… i’m used to this feeling… coz it always happens to me me and me…. one very good example is…. most of my frens cld get into uni after the As but not me…. oh well… that’s old news… but i can’t help but still feel sore abt it…

at the moment when feel soooo bad….it starts to rain heavily… geeez…. creating a good atmosphere for me to cry right? haha. and juz when i thot the whole world hates me.. i received an ecard from my secret admirer who’s email address happens to be caryn’s? wahaha… thanks dearie…. :beam1 how do you know i’ll feel upset today?

oh well… the pt is… they havent talk to me abt my lesson yet.. i noe it was bad.. coz the grpwork was like art lesson… and it was supposed to be an English lesson… obviously the objectives won’t met… the kids were too excited to even bother writing down the steps they took to make the manipulative… things wld have been better if i have more time….

i did something really bad… coz i called BH when he was on his way for an interview for internship…. yar… i cannot take it when he act like he’s damn smart coz he’s gonna get a degree…. i dunno..maybe i’m juz oversensitive or what… so i was telling him that he won’t get through the interview… coz 1st impression counts and he’s tooo ugly….dun u all agree with me?

anyway, i’m not feeling sorry BUT i hope that this ugly looking perosn will interview him…so when ugly meets ugly… they’ll ‘click’ and by luck he’ll get the internship….

when i’m feeling sucky…. i will mk sure that you feel worst than me..

i got to generate 3 different subject lesson plans for tml… and mark worksheets.. and mark 12 more compos… :mad1