Secret

Secret

sianz

what shld i blog abt??
right.. abt my pimple? it’s still there and getting BIG.. it’s affecting me so much tt i didn’t wanna go out :sad1 okok… i’m like such a vainpod man… BUT.. i am what! hahaha

so i woke up this morning and realised tt the bloody time of the month is here… sooooo no wonder i was in a super low and pissy mood the last few days… BUT i am ok now lar… it’s juz my pimple now…. :rant: and i look like a piece of :poop: now

anyway, tml.. my lesson is gonna be till 7.30pm can… argh… soooooooo sianz… hahaha… BUT BH’s lesson is gonna end at 9.30pm lor!!!! wahahaha…

and u noe what.. serve BH right for being such an ass for the past few days.. as a punishment.. he’s losing his voice… and noe what’s sooooo exciting??? haha… mking him angry when he has no voice to talk…. :wink1 which is BAD in a way too coz no1 can explain the bloody maths to me :blank1

today i had no choice BUT to get out of my house coz it’s my grandma’s bday… on the way there… i looked over to this family wagon where there’s this really cute and handsome little boy!

me: wow… look at the little boy in tt car.. tt’s how i want my son to look like (cute, bright and cheery)
mum: if u r gonna be with ah-bing u won’t get a son like tt
me: haha…yes! i know… so i need to find a new guy..
sis: actually u look at his father… not good looking also… BUT in future if u have a son and you think he’s the BEST looking in the whole wide world… don’t ask me for opinions :oogle:
me: :cuss: if i become principal next time… ur kids will die in my hands… wahahaha

i think for a daughter my genes not bad…juz tt my daughter won’t be smart… with BH… his genes will probably mk my son smart.. BUT lazy… untidy and ugly and maybe mk my kid prone to pimples.. hahaha… so i need a better man! haha…

right… enuff crap…

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amazing

isn’t it amazing when u realised tt other pple know you better than you know urself?

it happens to me… and i hate it when they cld tell what ugly thots i have in my little brain…

i wish to think tt i’m tt i’m NOT a possessive freak… BUT sometimes i cld get really insecure… probably PMS or maybe it’s tt ugly pimple on my face… so i was super upset tt BH is going out with his frens on a saturday night!!! HELLO!!! he is supposed to go out with me!!! i mean…we already haf plans like on tuesday.. way b4 his fren ask him out… right… so i HATE it when for the whole week, what you were looking forward to is that weekend.. BUT it needs to be ruined by some assholes… yes.. if you are BH’s frens reading MY blog, make sure you tell him in ADVANCE when you wanna meet up with him… he may have plans you know… damn it…

so.. i felt really sucky and sensitive… coz BH choose his frens over me… i mean… i dun think i’ll be like tt if it’s not for tt PIMPLE on the right cheek of my face… it’s super low morale can….. nvm…. stupid maths tutorials are also soooooooooo low morale…. the only real ego booaster is my ability to make BH’s bright and cheery day into a HELL day…. and i love it when i can upset him… the MORE upset he get.. the more KICK i have…

yes… u r right if u say i’m mad.. and i’m tt kinda fren tt u dun wanna be with :blank1 i always tell BH tt it’s a sooner or later thing tt we break up… haha.. i’m not a nice person to live with for a long period of time… oh.. and it’s also no wonder tt such a beautiful girl ( self-promclaimed when i don’t have pimples, do not have admirers) wahahaha :pout1

actually, i’m not exactly bad… i’m juz too implusive.. after the sh*t i said and done…i’ll reflect on my actions… and i think things wld be sooooo different if i use some TLC on BH… i cld have said something like “i really wish we cld spend sat. together… you can go out with them the next week… “ his heart wld have melted right on the spot…. oh well… this time, the thought didn’t count… actions does MATTER

my sis and mum who’s always the 3rd party…. wld read my mind and say “come on.. you juz wanna wear ur new clothes right… tt’s y it matters so much tt u wanna go out…” < --- which is true :blush1 amazing... _________________________________________________________ a weird dream.. i dreamt tt i was heavily pregnant... and the baby was going to be due soon... so i went to the doc ALONE ......and she did a ultrascan.... i can't tk it any longer (i didn't want to noe the gender of the baby previously) and ask her what's the gender of the baby... and she told me tt the baby is a girl! soooooo i got really upset coz i really wanted my baby to be a BOY!!! i was so angry tt i didn't wanna have my baby anymore... and the baby was coming out on the 1August... which i do not like the date coz i thot 2August was better... anyway, i woke up feeling really angry... and i wonder who's the father of the child in the dream... i didn't see any man leh... :sad1 and the man have bad sperm... tt's y i didn't get my son..and bad attitude coz he didn't accompany me to the doc...hahaha.... luckily, it's a DREAM!

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it’s MADthematics

*ignore this post.. nothing impt*

i always feel tt my blog is a place i cld call my own… until i realised tt there are some things tt i feel aweful abt and i cannot state it here….

i feel tt school have been really tough for me…. and having four mods of maths is no joke… travelling to school every morning… and having the need to reach NIE at 8.30am is crazy too… (my lesson starts at 8.30 for 3 days.. and i have NO free days) u shld see the queue at boon lay interchange… disgusting…. and it’s bad enuff to spoil ur mood….

on tuesday i was super late… my bloody sandals broke… nearly step on dog shit…. and i spent a bloody $5.70 on cab fee juz to get to NIE and i was still late.. oh yar.. my heart was bleeding like crazy…. coz total cost in the morning already exceeded $45!!! i was super low morale tt day.. somemore i had a presentation in the afternoon… :sad1 luckily… everything went on well despite the bad incidents in the morning…

so everyday is maths.. i’m so afraid of calculus.. i dunno if i’m not trying my best or if it’s really tt difficult or if the crossovers are naturally dumber than those who were already in the degree course… somehow… i feel tt there’s a gap tt i need to catch up…. i kept telling myself tt i must be hardworking… i must not give up… i must deflate my ego to ask everything and anything i do not know… BUT still.. when it comes to doing the tutorial qns… i feel soooooooo demoralised…

school hrs are superly long due to my sucky time-table…. i have many hr breaks in between…. i shld do work doing the breaks… BUT papaya is juz so ‘smart’ and her intelligence irks me.. it’s like she’s so fast to pick ur mistks and you will not have a ego-booasting chance…. argh….

i’m grateful tt BH is always ever ready to help me… and whatever solutions he taught me is exactly what the tutor wld show in class… which is juz wonderful…. however, i’m superly inconfident of my work.. and i depend alot on BH’s help… which is bad for me in long-term….

so bus and train journeys home is also abt discussing maths problems…. till i feel sick and weary…

i kept telling myself tt i wanna do BIG things in future… i wanna be principal lor! hahaha… how i let such a small obstacle put me down… and whatever is it… i muz work hard and nothing abt my A-level will repeat again!

i will tk the front row during lectures…. i will sit in front during tutorials… i will try my very best to do my tutorials….
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i calculated how much i spent on bus/train fare:
1) my house to hougang mrt = 0.63
2) hougang mrt to boon lay mrt = 1.72
3) boon lay to NIE = 0.39
total = $2.74

total transport cost everyday = $2.74 X 2 = $5.48

i need my bus concession soon…

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and i’m getting sooooooooo ugly.. with lots of pimples on my face…

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evaluation of BH BKK trip:
anyway.. BH got me lots of stuff from BKK… which is wonderful… i got earrings of all colours shape and sizes.. and i’ve got boho necklace and bracelets… and i’ve got 2 new boho skirts (which may be too long for me).. of corrs… there were several things tt were soooo ugly and cannot mk it tt i rejected on the spot and got BH to bring it home… coz i can’t bear the sight of unwanted and ugly things in my wardrode tt i dun fancy… i think BH was hurt… afterall he bought so many things for me… and i dun seem to appreciate it… BUT i’m super fussy … if u ever wanna give me anything… give me vouchers… tt’s the best….

BH bought me a new frangance…. DAVIDOFF COOL WATER… very nice feminine scent… it’s a very flora and light smell… :thumbup: good job BH! — tt’s coz i TOLD him i wanted it… at least he didn’t get the male one for me… hahaha… and BH got this hugo boss perfume… which i thot is tooooooo strong and it mks him smell masculine in a very unapproachable MCPish way… :what: bottomline– i dun really fancy it… BUT i think i can get use to it….

i noe BH will get better by the day… he only gets better…. and i’m confident tt he’ll learn from his mistakes and get even nicer things for me in future…

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a story of 2 brothers

this is a story tt i heard during mass this morning

there were 2 brothers long long time ago.. they own a farm…

Brother A have a family — wife and children while Brother B is a bachelor..

the brothers decided tt they’ll spilt their harvest 50-50

however, after many years…. Brother A woke up one midnight and felt tt it was unfair that Brother B is getting 50% of the harvest.. he shld be getting more coz he needs to support a family… so he went to his brother’s warehouse and carried a sack of rice over to his house. at the same time, Brother B woke up and felt tt since he is a bachelor, he shld give more of the harvest to his brother, who has a family… so he went and carry a sack of rice to his brother’s house…

this continued for sometime… until one night… the BOTH brothers met!! and they understood what exactly was going on…

from tt day on, the spot where the brothers met is known as the spot where true love for each other was found.. and the villagers built a shrine at tt spot…

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interesting story right??? i wonder if it’s a real story….

so i was asking my sis…

me: what were u doing during midnight?
sis: slping… u were slping too right??? wahaha.. shld we have a shrine built at our room? :blank1

i was reflecting upon this story and i thought abt what my sis had done for me behind my back…
then i realised tt my sis is soooooo wonderful… coz sometimes when the aircon is off when she wakes up in the morning and i happen to haf no sch tt day, she’ll switch on the fan for me so i won’t wake up in persipiration.. :beam1 and i appreciate it alot… thank you!

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envious

BH shld be in BKK now… so cool right… i’m sooooooo envious :1up: haha.. but not jealous… coz… i do not like to squeeze with the crowd…. i only wanna buy accessories from there.. which is really dirt cheap… and i’m very confident tt BH will at least get earrings and bangles for me…. heeez… at the same time.. i abit worried tt he’ll be looking at his own things and he forgot to buy things for me! wahahaha….even more worried tt he got no1 to protect him and his belongings lor!!! hahaha… but he shld be alright since he’s there with his family…

hahaha.. so on tues when he’s back.. i’ll get NEW things! wahahaha… hopefully lots of NICE new clothes…. though i dun think BH dare to buy clothes for me.. coz i’m super fussy…. :goombah: in anyway, i’ll get new things!!! and i’m soooo excited!!! :tongue1

actually, BH is really nice… he was worried tt i didn’t noe how to do my maths tutorial… so he did it for me 1st… juz for in case i really do not know how to do… argh.. he’s spoiling me :eek1 but also good lar… coz i dun wanna go to tutorial class and feel demoralised coz papaya noe how to do everything and i don’t… heeeeeeez… *the secret behind why amanda always know how to do her tutorial… she so smart meh? no lor… she got external help* shhhhhhh… dun tell anyone please….

another thing… BH realised tt my ugly green wallet has a hole lor! haha… yes… my wallet has a hole literally! heeez.. so he’s gonna get a new wallet for me…. yes!!!! a LV wallet can…. nono… i mean a fake LV wallet…. wahaha… no lar..still hope he’ll get some cute looking wallet… dun like to look like i’m so mature… haha..

gtg try to do my work :shiftyeyes:

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ARIES MAN

*cut and paste from Flowerpod*

He always let other people walk in front of him, but he will get there first. He is a very careful guy and small obstacles won’t make him fall easily even he thinks life is a very serious matter. He is as romantic as any other Zodiac. He could look gentle, but inside he is as strong as steel.

Once he determines to do something, he is serious about doing it well. He will keep any pressure or insult deep down inside without showing emotion. You will never see his emotion of burden or disappointment and always wonder what he thinks or feels. He will well kept his feeling.

You will never see a guy in this Zodiac involving in other people business. He always concern with his own business. Sometimes he can be talkative, but he will never give anyone advice if he has not been asked. If you ask for advice, he will certainly give you one. He respects elderly and senior, so you will see he is the type who visits his parents steadily or often.

He is a slightly shy but also a stubborn person. He will find many ways to make you happy when you are with him, till you realize he is the important person for you. Once he is in the “Power Position”, he will use his power gently. He is a good leader and “Gentleness” is one of his effective method for exploiting his power. It is although he is borne to be a leader.

He never hides his ambition, and he is a workaholic. He will not take any position that he has no control. He will work very hard to reach his goal and satisfaction.

Compliment from his boss or superior are never enough for him, he want his deserved reward. His deep insecurity makes him reach and collecting valuable things, and this you may think he is stingy. Actually he could easily spending money to buy things, traveling or pay for things that makes him happy and he think necessary for his need. He cares what other people think of him and wants to get good comments or compliments.

Outside he looks like stone and steel, but inside he is a fragile person. He will hide and cover up weak emotion and his sadness in order to maintain and keep up his “Image”. One method of cover up you could easily notice is suddenly if he is quiet, cold, or act very strong or very secured.

Often, he feels insecure, even he is serious about his life and his own surrounding.

This is the man who never hurries to get marry, so hardly sit back and regret about his marriage later. If he gets marry, he need to be very certain and very sure. It will take a long time for such decision, so if you tell him that you are “breaking up”, you better forget him for good because he will never coming back.

He always keeps his promise. If he said he would meet you in your place in 2 hours then he will be there, unless there is a serious accident or unavoidable things happen. He hates people who are late for date or any appointment.

He likes to think woman should be a follower and take care of family and working is a man duty. He does not like to compete with his girlfriend or his wife at work because competition already exists with himself and other people. He will be very proud if he can afford and care for his family. Do not try to over power him or insult him, he cannot stand it. He likes to be in control of every things, every situations.

He like a “Classy Woman”, if she also comes from a good family then it is a Plus. It will make him feel proud and very ego about her status. Flashy type of woman, forget it. He like a perfect or a nearly perfect housewife.

    He tends to be possessive. He will not tell you if he is mad at you, but will act very moody to show you instead.

He likes to hear sweet word and compliment so you can get his interest that way. If he approaches you to ask you out, do not act too stubborn or fooling around too much. He will get tired and just disappear. He has to feel confident when he is around you, so knowing this fact you should know what to do, right!

If you want him, you have to make him feel like he is the most important person for you. He likes a kind-hearted woman, polite and can get along with his family. When he feels sad, do not leave him alone, but be very supportive.

    Kind words and your smile will win him over, so this strong man will be like a chicken in your palm.

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wahahaha… the BOLD parts are v true for BH …

    BOLD and indented

is VERY true :beam1

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bad bad bad

i predict that BH is in a super bad mood today…. yeah man.. somemore it’s raining NOW…. so i’m abit worried to meet him later… :psycho1

and i’m having a headache now… which is BAD too….

yesterday was great… we went to bugis and we met Ben and Adeline… and we ended up walking ard with them… haha… so cool right… unplanned double dating.. :beam1 i managed to repair my bloody sandals too…

argh.. tt’s all… no mood to blog….

today is screwed coz of the rain

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weighy issue

i realised tt i’ve gained weight.. which is bad… coz i see my face getting round………… i was telling BH to guess the area of my face… yeah… it’s the formula for the area of circle — pie r square wanna noe my volume? it’s the volume of a sphere — 4/3 pie r cube :pout1

i felt so ugly today tt i can’t do my work well… and i’m sooooooooooooooooo hot + short tempered….. :cuss:

yeah… my self-esteem super low…. so everything i do also not good………..

need to exercise……

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in a different light..

school had started for me… and i’m proud to annouce that i’m an undergraduate … wahahaha… and i’ve got my matriculation card can… though i look very ugly on the pic of my card… yes.. it’s no big deal… BUT i waited 2yrs to get to this pt of my life… sometimes… i feel that i’m loving every moment of it… coz teaching in schools wld be HELL..

i experienced a huge jump from being in the diploma course and the degree course… duh… the demands of being in a degree course is definitely higher… and the work is much tougher… taking the maths mods for examples… argh… it’s getting difficult… Calculus is a killer man…. had a maths revision test today… and i’m freaked.. the qns were difficult… you know what… i know tt i’m not gonna haf an ez time this sem… :err1 my time-table sucked too… start early.. end late with lots of gaps in between… haiz… no choice… with 4 maths mods = 4 sets of maths tutorial to do every week… wish me lots of luck….

taking the same mods as papaya is bad too… she’s super competitive and she always NEED to be the smartest amg us… else she’ll really sulk and get unhappy…. sometimes… she mks me feel very uncomfortable… still nvm..today she was asking us “do you thnk i lost weigh?” haiz…. i dun think so lor…. BUT dare not say anything… now i noe how BH feels when i ask him if i got fat… sometimes he hesitate to ans me.. coz……… I GAINED WEIGHT!!!!

maybe i really gain weigh lor…. met shannon and evon.. and they thot i look different can!!! haiz….

yes.. and i have a bloody presentation next tues… on bloody temmengong and sultan.. :blank1 and i havent started can… special thanks to May who’s doing the same topic as me for sharing with me some info.. :grin1 what a turn off… we are in diff tutorial class BUT our tutor is the same!!!! argh….not forgetting tt i suck in HISTORY… i nearly died in sec sch..

oh well… i’m very glad tt BH had recovered… BUT after falling ill for abt 1wk… he really lost alot of weigh… damn… all my mum’s and of corrs.. my effort to fatten him up is gone… haha.. :blank1

nowadays… it striked me tt i shld look at BH from another perspective…actually he’s really nice to me….and i shld really look at his good pts….

what he did so far:
1. on the 1st day my sch… he came down to boon lay to pick me up….
2. he will buy food for me FIRST even when he’s super hungry
3. he helps me with my maths tutorial today…. yes…. we spent 2hr+ doing my tutorial together today…

i hate to admit this.. BUT i think i’m quite dependent on BH…. i was sooooooo scared tt when he goes to BKK dor 3days… i’ll like die… coz there’s no1 to help me with my work…. :sad1 so i need to complete my maths tutorial by sat. …

and i’m so glad tt i’ve got BH… coz he’s good at maths… and he doesn’t mind explaining 1000000000X to mk me understand… i think w/o him i won’t be able to survive the past 2yrs of maths lessons…

Prof Chio… thanks for all ur help :heart1
heeez.. i blog so much good things abt you… so rem to buy me more things from BKK!!! :grin1

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boring sunday.. and i let my thoughts run wild!!

i feel kinda upset coz tml i’m going back to NIE and it’s assignments and tutorials again.. and i’m gonna work hard to get my honours — at least 2nd lower…

on the other hand, i’m counting my blessings… coz if i didn’t crossover.. tml wld still be another monsterific day:psycho1

and BH is still not feeling well… which is kinda worrying… it’s for the longest time tt he’s sick… hope he gets well soon… :blank1 something i dislike abt BH is when he gets sick… he gets really sick… :eek1

i kinda recalled those secondary school days when we girls wld discuss what we wanted in a boyfriend.. haha… let me evaluate BH:

1) pleasant looking *check*
2) able to play the guitar (coz i thought guys look soooooo cool when they play the guitar) *check*
3) sensitive *1/2 check* sometimes only
4) have a sense of humour *1/2 check* sometimes only
5) older than me *check*
6) patient *check*
7) more intelligent than me (so he cld help me in my work) *check* hate to admit this
8) loves me for who i am *check*
9) can repair the computer (at tt pt of time, my comp kept breaking down which is quite frustrating) *check*

however… as you get older.. u realised tt u want MORE… haha… so far BH is still NOT husband material…

my future husband needs to:
1) have a higher or same paper qualification as me.
2) earns more than me
3) have the ability to sup. me a credit card
4) be generous and forgiving (he will settle all bills automatically…the last thing we’ll argue abt is money) *check* BH doesn’t mind if he pays most of the time
5) be romantic ( as in maybe he’ll send flowers to the school on vday and pick me up for dinner on my bday) *check* i have confidence tt BH will do this.. haha
6) be able to drive and we are able to own a car
7) be able to ‘click’ with my family and he doesn’t mind coming to MY place for dinner (in other words, enjoy my mum’s cooking) *check* he don’t even mind NOW
8) be compromising (even if we were to have our own home, the location MUST be nearer to my parents’ place)
9) share the household chores with me (no such thing as i wash dishes, he watch TV)
10) be understanding and considerate ( if i don’t feel like having sex he shld not force or be unhappy over it) hahaha… a silly thought tt juz pop up
11) thinking of the ME above all things ( for example, going overseas for a job and leaving the family behind is a NO! NO!)
12) have the drive to improve and do well all the time
13) catch lizards and cockroaches without complains
14) be a plumber
15) be an electrician
16) be a computer repairman *check*

the rest of the qualities quite hard to judge unless u r really living together already..

i’m juz bored lar…… :umm1

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