Secret

Secret

the keys to my heart

on May 9, 2005

Caution: VERY long entry… Read when you have nothing better to do

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality – cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart.
In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.
You’d like to your lover to think you are flexible and ready for anything!
You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.
Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything… no secrets.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.
In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.
What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

got it from caryn’s and zhihui’s blogs… :beam1 oh well… somehow.. it’s quite accurate… haha.. though i dun look like the type that will remain commited to my partner…i admit i look at guys and lust after them.. and i’m always on the look-out for better guys… BUT Looking and doing are very different things..:blush1 haha…

today i started the day by meeting BH in the morning… coz it’s my baby’s 1st day of work.. and seriously speaking.. i feel so nervous and anxious for him… yupz… waited awhile for him at serangoon station.. and i was soooooooo scared tt he’ll look sucky… luckily, he didn’t.. i thought he looked delicious:yum1 you know.. those normal l/s shirt and pants… not bad lar… heeez… i like guys when they wear formally…

kill me… coz i thot of ‘love at dolphin bay’ — yi tian bian and zeya.. except BH was the skinny version of zeya w/o the blazer… and not good looking….haha… soooo i wanted to do the hug from the back thingy from the show.. BUT the train was tooooo crowded… and the time is not right… geeeeeeez…. i shld put my fantasy aside 1st… haha…. later he not responsive… i’ll feel sooo rejected… heeeez…. dun get what i’m talking abt?? nvm.. it’s not impt… it’s a little gal fantasy kinda thingy…. :grin1

sooo.. i was alone after BH alighted at commonwealth.. really alone… alone in the bug LT when i reached school… my only comfort was the book — The Family Way by Tony Parsons.. by now u cld have figured out that i love this author… anyway…. i didn’t dare to eat much during the tea reception though i was hungry… argh… coz i muz watch my diet.. i think i shld bring a fruit to school like a pear which is 1 serving.. it’s healthier than other food… haha… my mum will be sooo encouraging to hear my healthy food plan… haha

the talk at NIE ended earlier than expected… which was good…coz i was bored sitting alone and i’m hungry and i was afraid that my tummy will be growling out loud… :blush1

after the talk… i realised that all my hope abt getting a crossover is diminished… coz… i’m definitely not good enough to get a DISTINCTION for my diploma.. and i see myself having no choice BUT to go into teaching this coming july…and probably tk up the advanced dip course… hoping to get into degree program with that…

oh well… i felt abit disapted… and once again.. i felt that i won’t have to face such sh*t if i were to do better in my A-levels… <-- is this the 1000th times that i've said this.... juz let me rant... i guess BH was right that something was obviously stopping me from doing better... i dunno why... BUT there's a barrier and i can't go over it.... it muz be afraid of FAILURE...afraid of what other pple might think.. or even being too dependent on BH? hmmm... i dunno... ________________________________________________ today is one of those days that i decided to be nice to BH... since talk ended early... i went to bukit merah thinking of lunching with BH...it was meant to be a surprise BUT on my way there… he msg and said that he’s lunching with his collegues… i was disapted… BUT i comforted myself “iyah.. nvm.. u go Ikea and walk walk lor… and buy some sauages for my little sis…” … “maybe i’ll drop when i see a nearest MRT station and mk my way home..”

but i went all the way to bukit merah in the end… heeez…. luckily when i was almost reaching.. BH called and told me his collegues all went their seperate ways… haha… luckily i didn’t alight from the bus…

ate lunch at his sucky canteen… with lots of ‘cheena-pe-ang’ coz of the james cooks university? did i get the name right? :eek1

oh well… told BH abt the crossover thingy and he was like … “after ur bond we can go australia.. you get ur degree.. i go work then we dun come back liaoz”.. i didn’t tell him this… BUT i was really glad to hear that… wahaha… i like the idea of starting a NEW life together and OUT of Singapore… :blush1 hmmm… it’s juz a dream… BUT back to reality.. it might not be possible? even after my bond.. BH proabaly have job commitments.. and he won’t leave S’pore then… tt’s what i think…

after lunch… i went off to Ikea alone.. walked around alone… and being alone nv felt sooooooo good… coz i was talking to myself in my head… and for a moment i wish my head is a typewriter.. so all my thots will be written out….. haha….maybe i was in a better mood today… i even wanted to go to bukit timah to look for the German Supermarket shiuan was talking about… juz that i dunno which part of bukit timah it’s located at…

Shiuan or anyone else who knows: Can you tell me where the german supermarket is located at?? thanks!:smile1

back to the part when i was alone…. i love to see the furnitures and i dream of how my future house will look like… haha… and i was thinking of a retro theme.. with a retro fridge and a retro clock… with retro chairs.. and our house will look sooo cool… did i say OUR? geeez… coz i was in a good mood… so surprising… whatever i was thinking got to do with ‘OUR’ = BH and me… wahaha… i’m sure BH will be cool abt this idea!
*mood subject to changes*

and… i realised that at the end of the day… a degree isn’t that impt… isn’t it? and i really appreciate Caryn’s MSN msg to me last night…. thanks.. :heart1

i shall end here… i think BH will say “Finally she stopped thinking for the day…” :zip1


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